It's too bad that after one exchanges the wrong words you can't return them back to your mouth, or even better yet, throwing the hurtful words into the garbage where they belong.As I was driving home tonight from the hospital, something happened that has me really concerned and scared after realizing what thoughts were going through my mind while I was driving. I just remember being very tired, even though I had slept 12 hours the same day and the lines of the road were getting blurry. I pulled over in a small town along the way, and just sat there reflecting on the day, feeling extremely stressed and overwhelmed.
I arrived home, and Brian was on the sofa, and clearly upset with me. I sat alone on the sofa for a long while and finally I fell asleep around midnight. I woke up around 3:30 a.m., and I thought that I had been having a horrible nightmare, and when I realized that what I was dreaming had in fact really transpired over the past few days, I went into the bedroom to wake Brian up. I was bawling like a baby and almost hysterical over what has happened. He grabbed me by my shoulders and made me calm down and listen to him. He took me into our bedroom and as we were lying down, he told me he loved me, and he made me realize why he thinks this is happening to me. He knows I have not been myself, but just hasn't been able to pinpoint the problem, and hasn't verbalized his concerns. (He's a troubleshooter at work, and he has to process everything before he's able to fix the problem.) He didn't know what could be causing the changes in me, but he had been suspicioning medication. He knows me and he knows that I don't want to hurt anyone. After I settled down beside him in bed, he asked me about my medications and what, if any, have been discontinued and what new ones have been started. I think, through Brian's persuasion and love, he made me realize I've been having a terrible drug interaction the past several days. I saw my doctor several days ago and told him that I've been extremely depressed and exhausted (and having some MS symptoms) over my mom being in the hospital and her steady health decline, and just stress in general. It's so hard for me to deal with this mentally and physically. My doctor felt that my "old drug" was no longer working, and that he could increase the dosage of that drug, but that he'd prefer to just prescribe a new drug for me to try. I quit the "old drug cold turkey" (which one should never do) and started two new ones.
The realization of these drug interactions (I am very chemical sensitive, just like my mom) made me really feel horrible and as I continued sobbing, Brian reassured me that he feels what has transpired, is fixable and can be forgiven. I pray to my Lord Jesus that this can be so. I want this more than anything.
I'm calling my doctor first thing Monday morning and letting him know how I've been feeling.
2 comments:
Kathy, will be praying for an answer from the doctors and getting medications worked out. I have a story for you involving my #1 subject "Levi". He had been doing so well for better than a year. Better as in no meltdowns and temper tantrums and sleeping problems. Then sometime Thanksgiving or thereabouts he began having tantrums (out of control) he was unable to fall asleep and waking up in the night and me and his his mom are sure he was sleep walking. He saw the neuro in Dec. His seizure medication levels were low but still within range. No weight gain so that was odd. We discussed his issues with dr. She suggested a 1/2 dose of melatonin to help him sleep, before increasing his medication. But nothing changed. Then about 2 weeks or so into January, I decided it was time for a living room/toy room cleaning. In the process I found 5 of his tripetal pills behind entertainment center. Auntie TT began a house search. Altogether we found 9. I immediately alerted his mom who did a house search and found 5. We also know his dad fails to give him his medication often when at his house. So how many did he miss is actually unknown and/or how many had previously been sucked up a sweeper. He takes a pill in the am and pm. Needless to say he was going thru withdrawals. I told his mom we should give him 2 full weeks to get back to normal which it definitely took and also we now make sure he swallows it. He can't swallow pills so he chews them. They are so awful so he decided to hide them. We explain to him over and over why he needs to take his meds. So far so good and he is back to his old self. --I am also sensitive to medications and hate taking them. My mom is too. I swear to you I can have every side affect 10 times over to drugs. I know you'll feel better once your med dosage is worked out. Take Care and God Bless. Keep us posted on your mom's health.
sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well I hope the Dr. can straighten your meds. out so you are feeling better I will keep you in my prayers. I really like reading your bogs I think you are very good at expressing yourself & putting your thoughts into words I wish I had your talent for that :). take care.
Vera
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