It is better to forgive

It sounds so easy to forgive someone. They apologize and you accept. Simple as that. But is it really? One can harbor bitter feelings for days, months, or in some cases even years. The bitter feelings can take over your life. It will keep festering inside of you. I know, because I have experienced these feelings.  Even after I thought I had forgiven a person, whenever I would think of what had been done to me, the old feelings of rage or bitterness would come back and haunt me. Since I was still holding bad feelings towards that person, I felt that I truly had not forgiven them. I didn't know how to rid myself of these terrible feelings.

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."~~~Colossians 3:13 NIV

I recall a wonderful message on forgiveness at my church. I was taught to look at this issue in a different light. You can forgive, but then you have to HEAL. You need to ask God to RELEASE you from the pain from the tormenter. Learning this, I felt a great burden lifted from my shoulders, and from my heart.

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."~~~Mark 11:25 NIV

Steps to forgive:
1) Ask God to give you grace to forgive.
2) Choose to forgive. You will still be healing from it.
3) Entrust God with the consequences of the other person's sin.
4) Remove all negative judgment. Discernment doesn't work unless you quit judging.

I feel I have done this on more than one occasion. Now whenever I think of the people in my past that have hurt me, I don't have the bad feelings any more. I feel so free, so lighthearted. I definitely still struggle at times; but when I do, I pray for God's grace in the situation.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight."~~Philippians 1:9 NIV

I also had the idea that once you forgave someone, that you were supposed to "like" that person again...to welcome them back into your arms and life...to have things like it used to be...as their friend. That's where discernment comes in. Once you have truly forgiven them, you will know whether to still be friends or not. Your mind and heart will be more clear. You will not have the negative judgment (see #4 above).