Traumatic Abuse

 📌 If you have experienced any kind of childhood trauma or abuse your mind learned early on that trusting people and being close to anyone causes pain. So naturally, as an adult, your brain will tell you to put walls up so you don’t get hurt again. That’s a defense mechanism, a fight or flight response which is a huge stressor for your nervous system. It affects your well-being, your immune system and ultimately your physical and mental health. You tend to avoid people, at times even pushing them away, fearing they will eventually hurt or abandon you just like you’ve experienced in the past. 

📌 I’m presently talking about trauma and abuse from people the child knew, not anything caused from complete strangers. Every scenario is different but in some cases you looked up to and valued that person. Maybe they were your hero. You unconditionally loved that person, wanted to please them and do whatever they asked. And you vehemently trusted them—whether it was a brother, another family member, or a friend of the family. You wouldn’t think they would ever hurt you or have cause to hurt you. Then after the incident occurs the abuser may say “not to tell anyone. It’s our secret” so you don’t. 

📌 You carry this “secret” with you for many, many decades. If you’re an overly sensitive child it affects you all through adolescence and in some cases, into adulthood. You do certain things that your parents yell at you for doing and you don’t understand why. The child’s mind is thinking “It was done to me so why is it wrong? Why am I getting in trouble?” You go to your abuser wanting love and they refuse you, and it hurts bad. Then to add insult to injury, you may be raised in a household never hearing the words “I love you”. You learn early on to keep your thoughts, hurts, abuse, and struggles inside and never verbalize them to anyone. You suffer in silence. No visible scars on the outside, but your heart and soul are so scarred and damaged. All the child ever wanted was to be shown love, understanding and compassion. All children need to feel safe and need to know they can freely talk to their parents about anything. 

📌 The effects of abuse can escalate and turn into a domino effect, affecting every fiber of the child’s life until the grave. It could escalate into the child not speaking up for themselves, putting up with bullying in school and even into adulthood. The child may grow up and marry someone who has abusive and/or narcissistic traits. As an adult you may “act out” by drinking too much, having sexual addictions, going from job to job, and like the song says, “looking for love in all the wrong places”. It continues on and on. 

📌 As an adult you may seek counseling numerous times, and dredging up these stories over and over is just too much. It’s too stressful and painful. 

📌 Sadly, that adult is still that five year old little girl that trusted someone she loved. 

📌 Watch for signs of abuse in your child; be in tune to your child’s behavior. Any change, no matter how small, can signal something is not right and that something is going on. Some signs aren’t as obvious as others. If you suspicion anything at all, please don’t ignore it. The child will thank you.