To be or not to be?

The other evening a few of my friends and I were discussing what makes a true friend. Does it have to do with the amount of time we spend together, or would it result from shared experiences? Where does having the same opinions and values on important issues fit in?

Webster lists the definition of a friend as:

1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem

   b : acquaintance

2 a : one that is not hostile

   b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group

3    : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)

4    : a favored companion

Making and keeping an honest friendship is hard work. It takes a lot of time and effort. Are you really supposed to say what you're thinking when your friend asks "Do these pants make me look fat?" There must be a balance between brutal honesty and tactfulness for the relationship to last.

One of America's most quoted inspirational writers, William Arthur Ward, eloquently made the following quote: "A friend is one with whom you are comfortable, to whom you are loyal, through whom you are blessed, and for whom you are grateful."

"but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."~James 3:8-10 NIV  I'd have to confess that would apply to me at times.

All of us have been guilty of blurting out hurtful words in the heat of anger and misunderstanding, and right after you've said it, we usually regret it. Unfortunately, the damage is done. It's out there. Hopefully, all can be forgiven and repaired.

Maybe we should see what else the Bible says about friendships. "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."~ Proverbs 17:17 NIV

The following are some of my friends responses:

 1) A true friend doesn't compare their life, income, etc to yours
 2) They are always there with their hands outstretched to help you when you fall
 3) They hug you when you feel down
 4) They have a box of Kleenex ready to cry with you
 5) They understand you when no one else seems to
 6) They know your needs because they have observed you
 7)  They don't judge you and only give you the kindest ridicule to help make you stronger, healthier, and a better person
 8)  They are awakened in the middle of the night to pray for what's bothering you
 9)  They don't care if you have a learning difference, or health difference...they just want to be with you through thick and thin
10) You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat waiters, check-out people, the people at the drive-through, etc. This is a sign of their true character and if they have respect for others
11) If they are haughty/snobbish or consistently remind you how much prettier, smarter, or richer they are, then they are no friend.
12) I feel trust, good communication, kindness, courtesy and loyalty are requirements in being a true friend

13) Respecting the other friend's opinion, even if different from your own, and being able to talk about it civilly and not defensively.

In this fast paced world filled with rude people, impatience and pain, we need to slow down and remember not only what a gift from God a genuine friend is, but how to be a loving friend to others. I still have an awful lot to learn.