It's My Life

My life is ordinary.

Some may even say that I'm self-centered or self-absorbed. Selfish. I don't think so. Though I feel that most people are selfish in some situations. Misunderstood, yes. Shy, yes. Quiet, yes I can be. Needs approval, yes I believe at times I do. Loving, yes. Giving, yes. Honest, brutally. Kind, yes. Compassionate, yes. Generous, yes. Envious, no, well maybe just a tad. Loyal, yes. Am I complaining, no. Happy.....

I am happy. But as I read other blogs, I still wonder why, in some respects, my life hasn't been like theirs. Children, grandchildren, boasting about the kids, complaining about the kids, worrying about them and their well-being, babysitting, never having any extra time, a chaotic life, never a moment's rest, sounds of laughter ringing throughout the house, dealing with angst-ridden teenagers, the drama. Running to and from sporting events, music concerts, plays, church activities, girl and boy scouts, sleep overs, lunch with the kids, constant phone calls. My life probably seems rather hum-drum to most. And it is. It is rather ordinary. Uneventful. Some may consider it even boring. That's the reality of it all. But..... it's my life.

When I eventually remarried, I had hopes that my future husband would have children and (I was hoping) grandchildren. Well it turns out he does, but they may as well be light years away. I thought that if he had grandchildren, I would be able to enjoy them. Have them over to visit. Make cookies. Put together puzzles. Teach them and mold them. Give them the joy of learning.....learning to appreciate the things that were instilled in me.....the simple things. Give them cherished memories. Have sleep overs. Go to movies. Laugh till we had tears streaming down our faces. Cry when watching Bambi. Play dress-up. Make hot chocolate with marshmallows. Go shopping. Go to the zoo. Do the stuff that grandmas do.

I have never felt my own child's love, or the love for my own child. 

Instead I have lived my own kind of "full life". A life that has had its roots pulled up many times, re-established, and roots pulled up over and over again. Working outside the home. Retirement. Then eventually having the time to pursue my hobbies, dreams and passions. I have been independent. I have had to accept my life the way it is, and: To make the most of it. To learn to make my ordinary life extraordinary. To appreciate the life that God gave me.

So you see I'm not selfish or self-centered. It's just my life.....the one I was dealt.